By: Simone N
There are times when you wonder: Why did they leave me? What did I do? For those people and things we must part ways with, we wonder :What does it truly mean to let go? How about those things and people that you cannot live without? After the loss, how do I deal with grief and emptiness?
Well, that is a lot to think about; sometimes we would rather not think about it. There are the those profound changes and loss we cannot avoid, still, we pretend it does not happen.
Loss can manifest in many ways for each of us. But the feeling is the same, the pain; grief and emptiness is the same. It is especially hard when it is something near and dear to us; family and friends (through a death, divorce, break-up, some kind of separation), a breakdown or loss of a business, personal project, something that you invested a lot of time, money, effort in.
Death, can be especially challenging and difficult, for the reason that we never want to see a loved one go; to never be able to talk, touch , hear from them again, can be unbearable. No one will ever be able to replace them, a void that cannot be filled.
Break-ups, or separation of any kind are just as painful, whether it is a romantic, platonic, or business, can still be considered as a kind of death. Perhaps the relationship dynamic has changed; the love is no longer there, or as strong, there is tension, awkwardness, resentment, unhappiness in some cases. Or the relationship was an illusion of some kind. Betrayal, dishonesty, intentions of the person was not at all what assumed or desired. This can become a death of an ideal, image, or of a fantasy, of failed expectations. Friends, those who you speak to regularly, lend personal items, go to various places together, grow,develop, learn together, share secrets, when it comes to an end, it is devastating. A piece of yourself, the years that was intertwined and spent in their lives, is gone. Even those “friends” whom we would rather forget, we can still fell a loss of some kind; we can feel as though our time, love, effort, was wasted, and left with betrayal, hurt and sadness. However, it doesn’t negate the feelings of sadness, as we recall the good times, the memories that make us smile.
Loss of a business, company, job/career title/position is a loss on many levels. After all, after all the countless hours, effort, money, sacrifices to create something profitable and successful, and falls flat, it is crushing blow. You may feel cheated, cursed, feel resentful toward it or even yourself. Life doesn’t seem fair, as you may be left with a lot of debt, a strained marriage or a broken family, exhausted, and depleted.
Walking away from a career, or job position that did not serve you correctly, is still a loss, even though it was initiated. Still, most often than not it was something we wanted to work out, flourish; and because it didn’t, we had to walk away. While everything is for a good reason, to put us a better path, it still doesn’t feel good. We can feel the loss as an “ideal” career or position failed our expectations, did not turn out the way we thought it should.We should not, at times, confuse the loss of a position as a loss of our identity, our sense of self. We are not what we lost.
What about those who chose to leave? I can give you a few reasons why i think they did:
- They left because they weren’t “connected” to you. There was no bond, or soul connection, they didn’t resonate with you on a soul level. We are on different stages of awareness/development and maturity. They were not your “match”. Someone “enlightened” and another “lost” cannot do very well together.
- They have a different life path. They couldn’t stay because they had different lessons to learn, different people to connect with. You’re probably not one of those people if you asking this question. Just because it feels like its meant to be,or you want to make it so, it doesn’t necessarily mean they are meant to stay.
- Their part in your story is over. Perhaps what they came to teach you has been accomplished, the season is over, and now it is done. Everyone in your life is not meant to be there forever. Some come for a season, for a time in your life when its most needed (love, encouragement, help), others come as a teacher to teach you something important. Even in death, no matter how they left; seemingly accidental, fluke , something you feel you could have prevented , occurred that way for a reason. Take it as the inevitable, accept, and forgive.
What does it truly mean to let go? Letting go is essential to your well being; mental, emotional wellness, happiness. We need to let go in order to receive something better.Letting go of toxic emotions like resentment, rage, shame, guilt, jealously, frees us of the bondage of unhappiness, depression, etc. If we are not careful, those toxic emotions can prevent us from living our best life, attaining our desires, building/maintaining healthy relationships, can cause us to behave is destructive ways. Letting go of people and relationships that do not treat us with a high regard, respect, overstep our boundaries, use, manipulate, deceive, those who are not there for our highest good. If we feel uneasy, something feel off, troubled, we are disrespected, we know that it may be time to let go. Letting go means to release yourself from anything that hurts, steals our joy, keeps us in toxic emotions, whatever that does not positively impact us. We let go of something that doesn’t work out, spent too much time on, and no matter what, it still will not stick, produce a desired outcome, and we become frustrated, angry/aggravated, confused. We let go of what we cannot control, the stress, frustration whatever is making us feel crazy. Release and surrender it to our Universe, or Higher Intelligence to work it out.
What about those things and people we cannot live without? I know, it is easier said than done. Some people we feel we cannot live without; parents, life partners, business partnerships, etc. Unless it is a relationship that are essential for survival, we may want to re-analyze why we would not want to let go. If this is a toxic situation and/or relationship with someone, we may be doing a our self a disservice, because its may be negatively influencing our life in some way. Also we may be forfeiting a chance for something/someone so much better, better suited for us. I don’t believe that we absolutely need anything (unless essential for survival); devices, property, goods, cars, etc. Anything we are meant to have, we will. Remember, anything that leaves our life will be replaced. It is that cycle, the ebb and flow of things, that we can count on. We may have to wait, though.
Now that I have lost, how do I dealing with grief and emptiness? This is the part that sucks. I say this because, after we did whatever we could do maintain something, and it still fell apart, or we separated from that individual, through death or a break up, we are left with the painful feelings. Here are a few pointers about that:
- Allow yourself to feel the grief, painful emotions. Don’t judge or berate your self for feeling this way. However it was, and whatever happened, it is natural to feel this way, it is OK. Feel it to heal it. Let the healing process to take place. Confide in a friend, write it down, just cry.
- Know that you will not feel like this forever. Time helps, and heals. Remind yourself that loss is apart of life, it can gives us a better perspective, and healing in some ways.
- Do not stuff it down. To deny, cover-up, not acknowledging how we feel will work it’s way out, in some way or the other, usually in destructive ways. That will affect other areas of your life, so you might as well deal with it now.
- Transition , or the changes of life, requires loss on some level; for our learning, evolution; on your way to a better life, things, people/relationships, receiving desires, attaining success.
Loss is an unavoidable, painful thing that we all must face a some point in our lives, whether ready or not. Just know that you can handle it, a bounce back from the trauma, grief, sadness and anger, if you allow yourself to. Everything in life comes back full circle, so just know that you will come to experience the opposite of the painful feelings and circumstance you are now experiencing. Love yourself through it.
Check out the next blog about True Friends: What are they?https://crossroadswithyourconfidante.com/true-friends-what-are-they