How To Overcome: Defining Yourself By Rage

(A Woman’s Guide To Reclaiming Wholeness After Sexual Abuse)

Blog and Podcast Show notes


By Simone N


For a more in depth discussion, check out the podcast episode for this blog, to listen.

Episode #7

Have you allowed rage to take over your life?

Do you see yourself free from it?

How do we start to rid ourselves of it?


Rage is a toxic emotion; it is unpredictable, eplosive, toxic and even dangerous. We must understand that rage is an unnatural emotion, an outgrowth of anger.

Anger (In my opinion), is a natural emotion, and it serves a very important purpose. Anger alerts us that a boundary has been crossed (emotional, or physical), overstepped. It’s and indication that something is out of balance, needs to be addressed, or resolved. It’s nature’s way of saying that what is happening is a threat to our well-being and/or safety.

When this anger becomes frequent, and excessive, it is unhealthy. Worse yet, when this anger is repressed, compacted, and unresolved, it turns into something distorted: rage. Rage then, becomes a signal that points to something of an inner issue or problem that needs to be addressed immediately. It is the message of a serious problem.

The body and mind is required to be purged of toxicity (actual physical substances, or emotional toxins of trauma and pain) to be healthy. To carry, contain, or hold on to rage has damaging effects on your emotional well being, moods, personality, the physical body; it manifests our mental state. Toxic emotions can make us sick. When we are is a rage-ful state often, our bodies are constantly releasing cortisol (stress hormone), which breaks down the body tissue overtime. It bad for the health.

Rage also negatively impacts our ability to get or maintain a job/career, relationships/social interactions; can get us into compromising situations, trouble, and cause us even to commit a crime if it goes far enough.

To carry rage, we cannot have peace, happiness, balance (in emotions & life), good health (can make you sick), cost good relationships with other people. As obvious as it may seem to know if we are carrying rage, it sometimes it is not always that recognizable, because it is  normal to us.

Here are a few ways to help you determine if you have a problem with rage:

  • You are always angry. So obvious, right? We are not always aware of our state of being, as it is normal to us. If you rarely happy, complain, criticize, not content about everyone and everything, all the time, then most likely you have this problem.
  • When you get upset or angry, you cannot control yourself. Things seem to fly out of your mouth unnoticed by you, your body has a mind of it’s own; you get an overwhelming hot surge of electrical energy running through you that fries your nerves. When you come down off it, after the”episode”, you are completely exhausted.
  • People are afraid of you. They are afraid to talk to you.If they must, they are apprehensive of telling of a mistake they’ve made (you may get upset, and explode). They may even lie, in attempt to not make you upset. In general, many walk on eggshells around you.
  • You hear ” calm down” or “relax” a lot. Well… they want you to calm down, and relax, you’re too angry.

If you can identify with these points, most likely you are dealing with an anger problem. However, it does not mean that is is you; you contain this anger, display the behavior, but it is not you.

Rage is something that, at it’s core was created by some trauma/painful experience that brought out deep feelings of powerlessness (fear), that you could not solve.  Your mind created this anger(remember what i spoke about earlier), in attempt to protect itself. The more intense the situation and/or trauma, that rage becomes a false, fragmented part of yourself (dissociative identity disorder can come from this). Still it is not you.

I believe this because, after I addressed, and exposed the secret I kept about the sexual abuse I went through, the rage I held in, dissipated (over time). There was an immediate difference, however, in the first stage of recovery,  in my demeanor, countenance, and overall mood. I became a lot better, and didn’t feel this strong, deep and uncontrollable anger, that I felt before releasing the secret.

I will say this: do not define yourself by your current state of  of anger or rage. Yes, you have felt like this for a very long time, but it does not mean that is who you are, that you’ll never be anything but, or what you amount to. Don’t believe it.

To help you along, I’ll tell you a few way that i dealt with rage:

  • Go to therapy, or a support group. Like i mentioned before, this is a serious issue that needs to be dealt with, or addressed. It needs your attention.
  • Discipline; to consciously and diligently resist the overwhelming temptation to erupt. It is a deep habit to react this way, so it needs to be reversed. These are triggers to be diffused. Deep breathing ( extra oxygen clears the brain, help with balance) with the onset of anger, to become present in the body (observe your emotion, be conscious), helps tremendously.
  • Meditation and yoga. Meditation, like explained in the above point, is just breathing deeply, and being present in the body. You can decide when to set time to meditate, sitting or lying on your back. Yoga is a holistic spiritual exercise, that honors the relationship body/mind/spirit. It incorporates intense bodily exercises (grounding), stretching, deep breathing (meditation), and stilling of the mind. It helps a great deal with balancing of mind; thoughts, and emotions
  • Ask yourself why you are so upset. This is when something has triggered anger in the moment. If you are to think deeply about why you are so upset, you may realize the reaction far exceeds what the situation warrants. It is a trigger that set you off; so find out exactly what it is, dig deeper. Do you feel powerless? Controlled? Are you in fear (is the root of all anger). What you should know is the thing you think you are so mad at in the present moment, isn’t really the root of it; it reminded you of a deeper, and more painful experience of your past, whence you felt fear.
  • Patience. It takes time to develop new habits, and diffuse your triggers.


It may be hard to overcome what you are accustomed to, but it can be done, with time, and effort.

The next article: How To Overcome Self-Pity and Hopelessness