(A Woman’s Guide To Reclaiming Wholeness After Sexual Abuse)
Blog and Podcast Show notes
By Simone N
For a more in depth discussion, check out the podcast episode for this blog, to listen.
Are you an envious person? Do you have envious tendencies?
What do you believe is the cause of this? Do you think you are hurting others as well as yourself with this behavior?
What can help to alleviate these feelings and behaviors?
So are you? Be a honest with me. Rather, be honest with your self.
However, if you are reading this, you may have some awareness within yourself that you have envious tendencies.
Let’s define what it means to be envious. To be envious, or to envy, is to be discontented and upset with yourself, because of what you perceive to be better (accomplishments, appearance, personality, possessions, etc) of another.You want it for yourself (even at their disadvantage). If you are envious, you don’t want others to succeed, achieve, accomplish, because somehow it takes away from you, and you make it known, overtly or covertly.
You can feel this way about someone, or some people and not act upon it, but that is rare. This, in this instance is more like jealousy. Many, if not almost all the time, envy rears it’s ugly head, some point in time.It can manifest as actively putting someone at a disadvantage (sabotage), stealing, deceiving, slander, criticism, whatever you can hurt, attack, destroy to ease your insecurity. Envy comes from feelings of deep insecurity/inadequacy or inferiority.
I’ve come up with a few ways to determine if you have envious tendencies:
- You put/tear others down. You make rude and snide comments, / half-baked compliments, harshly criticize, judge, constantly pointing out weaknesses. You frequently say what you “think is wrong”.
- Don’t rejoice in achievements/accomplishments/successes. It can be done in a myriad of ways; you may downplay(deny), ignore, make comments to induce in abilities/accomplishment of doubt other, or giving an attitude (rolling eyes, snarky tone, defensive/unaccommodating body language.
- You are most supportive of people at their lowest point. You are most available and supportive and when they are down, depressed, experienced some disappointment. It makes you feel good/better/more contented/relieved that they are in this state (the insecurity again).
- Hostile, aggressive, angry for no reason around certain people. You are just miserable because you believe they are the reason for your upset/discontent (not true) and on some subconscious or conscious level, you want them to know that.
If you mostly see yourself in these points, then you may be envious.If you have determined, or have already known this about yourself, and want to change for the better, there are some things you should know, and can help with the process.
- Know that you are hurting yourself and others by your envious ways. With snarky, rude comments, showing displeasure, discontentment. People can feel it; they can feel uncomfortable, alter their behavior, appearance, actions, and their “flavor” just so you can be more uncomfortable. Sabotage (physically, emotionally, financially, etc), slander/gossip/defaming, hate speech, etc. Their self-esteem and/or self confidence may take a hit. It creates necessary stress, upset/anger, and lower energies, in yourself and the other person/people.
- You can lose good connections/relationships because of this. You ultimately hurt yourself, because you sabotage your relationships, opportunites. In addition to this, what you put out, will come back (karma).
- Denying yourself the possibility of becoming your greatest self; what you can be, do, accomplish, and also what you can discover about yourself in the moment. If you can focus on you, you will discover there is a lot to be unearthed about who you are, and what you are able to do. You cannot get to this discovery or understanding when you are looking at another with envy. We all have greatness, but you will only see it to the degree you will allow yourself to see it.
- With that, you must dispel the illusion that others are, or have it better than you. We are all unique individuals with different strengths/assets/abilities/gifts, but we all have them, just in different ways. Once you discover, what is working for you, and put it to use, you discover your power, and have a greater value for yourself, you feel content.If you envy what another has (possessions, material items, riches/money), then first you need to realize that in having these things, it does not make them better than you; it is just stuff. It comes and goes. It is not a part of self; but an attachment. This knowing comes with a healthier perception of self and others.
- Put the envy into perspective. Now that you know that it is an illusion that others are “more” than you, let’s look at it from another perspective. The very things that you want so badly (seen as what another has), it may be a matter of doing the things they did to attain it. For example, working hard to earn more of an income, and/or lifestyle,(the sacrifice of and for) building a business, investment, time and effort, and discipline, to achieve what your desires. This can put things into perspective with what it took for them to have what they have; if it becomes something you see as worth going through the process to attain the same results.
- Build your self esteem. This is the ultimate cure for envy. Appreciating who you are, what you do, and have is, the core of this. Positive affirmations through jouraling/ writing, making the start to your goals/desires and accomplishing them, doing that which you have never done. Do this in conjunction with all the work you are doing to develop yourself, and healing your wounds to become the best version of yourself.
- Gratitude. Being grateful for what you are, and where you are in life (your journey, accomplishments, economic status, mental, physical, and emotional state), and what you have (possessions, money, family/friends, gifts/skills/abilities, health).It helps to put it into perspective, the knowledge that there are others who are suffering (terminal illness, homelessness, death of a family), in a worst position than you, and would give anything to be in your spot. With spiritual understanding, brings gratitude;the realization of your blessings, what is working, what is good in your life.When you do this, you find more of what you realize that you have/possess. Also the more good you focus on (gratitude), it attracts more of the same to you, to be grateful for (the law of attraction). This is a powerful tool for discontentment, victim hood: envy.
Envy is a choice; it is not a behavior and/or feeling that is uncontrolled and inevitable. You can choose what you believe about yourself and others, Do yourself a favor, and choose what feels good, uplifting, empowering, for yourself, and others.
Check out the next article: Dealing With: Emotional Slumps, Emotional Fatigue, and Exhaustion (Part 1)