How to Overcome: Self-Pity And Hopelessness

(A Woman’s Guide To Reclaiming Wholeness After Sexual Abuse)

Blog and Podcast Show notes


By Simone N


For a more in depth discussion, check out the podcast episode for this blog, to listen.

Episode #8

Do you frequently feel like a victim? Do you feel weak, powerless, and unlucky?

Do you like feeling this way?

What can be done to overcome self-pity and victim hood?


Pity and hopelessness is something that all us human beings experience at one point or the other. To feel pity, is to  feel down, powerless, weak, and a victim of circumstance. To feel hopeless, is to not have a belief that anything can be better, or change; it is to be hope-less.

We especially feel this way when we have been subjected to, or have experienced tragedy, crises, or perilous circumstances; it only resultant to feel this way. Survivors of horrific abuse (sexual, physical, emotional, neglect and and abandonment) have more of a propensity to have feelings of hopelessness and pity. While it is understandable and appropriate, it can easily turn into a pattern of thought and habit; then ultimately becomes a an ingrained belief of victim hood.

Although self-pity and hopelessness is felt by many of us, however, it is an unnatural emotion. A naturally- occurring emotion is, is one that serves a positive purpose. There is nothing purposeful, productive, or functionable of this emotion. The natural emotions (frustration, anger, excitement, etc), is a way for ourselves (soul, mind-self) to communicate (a guide) to us, something we need to pay attention to;  know,  about what decisions we need to make, or and path we need to trod. Self pity and hopelessness, however, I believe, is something that is born out of fear; it out of alignment of our true selves/nature. Our true nature is powerful, capable, conquering, strong, etc. We cannot be our true selves when operating in self pity and hopelessness. Do you see what I mean?

It is so damaging (given what was previously said), because to be in a state of  self-pity and hopelessness is we weaken, handicap, or amputate ourselves in some way (so to speak). You “cut” yourself off from your own power,  to live life the way you desire to. Just remember, the way you feel about yourself and life, will manifest in your experiences. That’s why it needs to go.

I’ll give you a few ways to rid yourself of this mentality:

  • Everyone has issues, problems, something they struggle with and suffer through. The main reason that we feel so victimized, is we comparatively feel that others are doing better than us; they do not suffer as much as we do. This is no way true. They may not be hurt in the way we are hurt , but they have their own wounds and issues, but in a different way, their way.
  • You were victimized not victim. Understand that, whatever you experienced that caused you to think of yourself as a victim, in actuality, you were victimized in those moments or circumstances; however it doesn’t mean you are a victim. We have to distinguish and detach between what happened,  from who we are. Do not allow these moments and time to become your purpose, reason, and reference for yourself and life. Separate it from your identity. You are not what you went through.
  •  You are still alive. This means there is always an opportunity (at every moment) to change, heal, and even re-define our circumstances (think of things differently) and life. Things are  still changing, and shifting; life is not over yet. Everything in life is temporary and fleeting, and that includes everything bothering you know.
  • Know that everything is for a reason. I know that is hard for us to believe, especially when it was something  that happened that seemed unfair, random; something that could have been prevented. Everything that occurs, provides a lesson, fault or not. We may not know of the lesson, or even care. If we are to trust that there is a Higher Plan in place; to evolve, grow and become the person we want, we no longer feel this way—we feel empowered.
  • Trust. Ultimately what is being said here its to trust. Trust your life, because you can. Things will begin to make sense in retrospect (of course if you are paying attention).


I hope this helps you as you continue on your journey. Just remember, you are more powerful than you think you are; the things you are feeling sorry for yourself about, most likely are the very things that are pushing you to discover your own personal power.

Next article: How To Overcome: Anxiety And Worry